


Before I loved you

by shethenightwolf



Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Arranged Marriage, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sex, F/M, Falling In Love, Hate to Love, Idiots in Love, Love, Love Stories, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-01-05 23:50:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21217088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shethenightwolf/pseuds/shethenightwolf
Summary: Dutch saves you and your life, giving you a chance to start over. However, everything comes with a price - and the price you have to pay for the second chance is higher than you would ever expect.





	1. It's not going to happen

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the request I received this morning… I will give it a shot. Hope I won’t disappoint you, guys! This is just prologue… More (aka the first chapter) coming soon!

_Dutch saved you._

Dutch saved you that day when you ended up on the street alone. That day when you lost more than your house - you lost your parents. Your family. You were left alone and even though your family had connections in the city, you had nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide, but still, there were bad people out there who wanted you dead, just because of your name. 

He saved you and provided with safety. It was the first time in a long time when you did not have to worry whether you would wake up the next morning. It had been your life for a long time and even if it was generally a good life - you had your position, you had money, you had everything you wished for - you never felt safe. 

When he found you on the street - broken, crying on the bench - you were not sure what to expect. He was a charming man and was good at words. The promise of safety until you would figure out what you wanted to do with your life sounded promising and the life with a band of outlaws and degenerates was not as bad as you had thought it would be.

_The most important thing was that you were safe._

Even in your wildest dreams, you would not have thought what price you were about to pay for that feeling.

“We have to talk…” Dutch said to you one day, leading you to his tent. 

_“We have to talk” never sounded that horrifying to you. _

“What happened?” you asked nervously as you entered in. “Dutch, what is it?”

“You might want to sit down.” 

“I’m good,” you told him.

“Listen," he leaned against the wooden table, "when we met I promised to keep you safe and I intend to keep that promise… But I need you to do something for me.”

“I need you to marry Arthur,” he added after a moment of dead silence. 

Your eyes widened and you looked at him as if you did not exactly hear what he had said. A nervous laugh escaped your mouth and you shook your head in disbelief. 

“I didn’t quite catch that… Is that a joke or something?” 

“No. I really need you to marry him,” Dutch repeated and you felt like someone hit you in the head. Your heart started racing faster and you clenched your fist, swallowing nervously. “Is that too much to ask, remembering everything I’ve done for you, my dear?”

“Dutch…” you hissed, not being able to control yourself anymore. 

“Dutch!!!” Arthur shouted angrily as he entered in. “What on earth do you think you’re doing?” 

“Arthur, my dearest friend! Calm down, please…” Dutch exclaimed. “I reckon Hosea told you about that idea…”

“He did, Dutch. He did and I don’t want to hear a single word more about it,” Arthur said firmly, standing next to you and looking briefly at your face. “That’s not gonna happen.” 

You looked back at him and rolled your eyes, but this time you had to agree with him.

Your relation with Arthur has always been complicated. Since the day you two met you were not getting along. He did not want Dutch to let you stay with the gang, he did not want to listen to Dutch’s reasons why letting you stay was the right thing to do. You two argued a lot as you did not agree on many matters - you did not understand his actions and he did not understand yours. You were different and somehow, you could not find a common ground together, so you were surprised that at least on that matter you both simultaneously agreed.

“I ain’t gonna marry her, because I don’t even like her. I don’t care about your reasons, Dutch and you can’t make me do anything I don’t want to do.”

“Likewise, Arthur,” you murmured, folding your arms. “I would rather marry anyone, but you.”

“Oh, I’m sure you would, but you’re so fucking sophisticated I wonder if anyone would be good enough for you…”

“Stop. Both of you,” Dutch growled. “I don’t care what you both think about each other. I want you to get married. The sooner the better.”

“You lost your mind, Dutch.” Arthur puffed. 

“Unfortunately, I must agree with Arthur. Again," you spoke, bringing their eyes on you. “We ain’t doing it.” 

Dutch sighed and brushed back his black hair, sighing heavily. “I didn’t ask you for your opinions. I need you to get married. Period. It’s not negotiable.” 

“But…” 

“Not. Negotiable,” Dutch repeated slowly. “Y/N, will you give us a moment alone?”

“Whatever,” you shrugged and left the tent in a hurry. 

You wanted to say so many mean things to Dutch, but it felt inappropriate. After all, in your head, there still was thought that he was your saviour. _What if he hadn’t saved you that day… Would you still be alive, if he hadn’t?_ It felt like you had a debt to pay - so there was no place for words of disapproval.

You clenched your fists till your knuckles went white. _God, was there even a way out of this situation? _

You felt the eyes of other gang members on you as they were passing by and you began to wonder whether they already knew about Dutch’s brilliant plan. However, you could not think too much as your thoughts were interrupted by Arthur who left Dutch’s tent and as he passed you by he said:

“I tell you, it’s not gonna happen.”

“Oh, isn’t it?” you asked him. “Dutch seemed quite sure it is.”

As your words reached his ears, he stopped and turned around to look at you with pity, repeating his words slowly: “It’s not gonna happen, girl.”

“Alright, boy,” you faked a smile and when he was away enough not to hear you, you whispered to yourself: “I truly hope you’re right about that.” 


	2. The easy way of doing a hard thing

A half year ago everything was different. You were living the life many people might only dream about. You had everything but on that unfortunate day, you were left with nothing. _Funny how fast it all changed._ From the daughter of one of the richest men in the city to an orphan, searching for anyone who would help a girl in a need. In a day. You were dreaming about old times, only letting yourself to miss them in your sleep. It was the only time you let yourself think about the past. The only time…

“Come on, sleepyhead, we’re going hunting.”

You were not expecting to be awakened with these words. You opened your eyes then shut them as the morning light blinded you. 

“Have you gone mad, Arthur?” you murmured, covering your face with a blanket. “It’s too early and cold, go away…”

“Yeah…” he said, pulling the blanket off from you. The cold air stroke your skin and you shivered, looking at him with hatred. “Hosea and Dutch said it would be wonderful if we get to know each other better and guess what, I’m in the mood for hunting and I’m taking you with me so they would eventually stop bothering me.”

“There are so many ways of getting to know another person," you reluctantly got up from your camp bed and put a brown coat on your shoulders, “and you chose this one, huh? You’re really this mean?”

“I just want to kill two birds with one stone,” Arthur shrugged. “If that means I won’t have to waste my time later, I’m down for it.”

You rolled up your eyes and brush your hair with your fingers as you walked outside the tent.

“Let’s get it over with.”

“Aren’t you gonna change?” he asked surprised. 

“We’re going hunting, Arthur,” you turned around and looked at him, raising one of your brows questioningly. “Do you think that I will get my new clothes dirty?”

Arthur puffed and shook his head in response. You were surprised he did not say anything in return, but you let it be as it was too early for you to argue with him. You prepared your horse in silence, peeking at him from time to time. When you were both ready, you mounted your horses and rode off into the woods. As you were riding amongst the trees, Arthur did not speak a word to you. _That was what he meant by ‘getting to know each other’? Riding in complete silence? _As if the situation you two were in was not uncomfortable enough…

“Honestly, I thought you would be riding this horse of yours sidesaddle,” he spoke out of sudden. “Considering your old habits…”

“You know nothing about me nor my old habits,” you replied harshly, offended by his words. “Besides, what would be the point of me riding sidesaddle? I’m wearing pants anyway…”

“That’s also surprising. I was expecting you to wear a dress rather than pants. You know, just like Molly…” 

“I’m not Molly,” you cut him short. “You know what I think? I think you should stop assuming things about me and try to get to know me for real.”

Again, Arthur did not reply and stopped as he noticed a deer in the distance. The animal was standing alone between the trees. He shushed you with a gesture and dismounted his horse, taking the bow from his back; you joined him after a moment, moving carefully and quietly, so you would not scare the deer off. You two had been watching the animal for a while before you said:

“Give me the bow.” 

“Really? Do you even know how to use it?” he looked at you with pity.

“Oh come on, just give it to me,” you ordered.

He handed you the bow and an arrow reluctantly.

“Just remember if you screw this up we might not be eating dinner for a few days.”

“We will be fine,” you whispered as you crouched and started moving slowly towards the deer to get a better look on him. Arthur was behind you all the time and you could feel his eyes focused on you as you eventually stopped and pointed at the animal. You held your breath as you drew the string, waiting for the right moment. When the animal raised his head, you shoot and the arrow went through its neck. The dead deer’s body collapsed on the ground as you turned around to give Arthur his bow back. He looked at you and then at deer’s corpse.

“Not bad,” he had admitted before he approached the animal. “I was almost sure you would miss.”

“You would love that, wouldn’t you?” you asked him. “Turns out, I’m not as useless as you thought I am, Arthur.”

He huffed and lifted the deer, putting it on his horse’s back. 

“Not as useless as I thought, indeed.” 

*

You had been riding for a few more hours before you decided it was time to get back to camp. The sun was already up in the sky and it was warmer than in the morning. _After all, it could be a good day._

“So that’s all for getting to know each other?” you asked him as you were riding next to each other. “A few hours out of camp, a few exchanged sentences and we’re good?”

“I guess,” He laughed. _For the first time in your presence, he laughed_. “What more do you expect?”

“I don’t know… Getting to know you better, I guess. I don’t know anything about you, Arthur and if Dutch’s idea works, it would be nice to know a few things about you.”

“It’s not gonna work, Y/N.” 

“Then why are we even bothering ourselves? We’re just wasting time here.”

“We have to something together while I’m working on it. I know it was surprising for both of us… Considering you’ve been five… six months with the gang? You’re not used to Dutch’s ideas, but I am,” he turned his head to look at you. “I can’t change his mind just yet, but give me some more time and we will go back to our normal lives. In the meantime, we have to pretend we’re actually getting to know each other so he wouldn’t make more problems.”

“Has Dutch told you anything about his reasons? I mean... It's not usual to ask someone to do this as a favour.”

“No. I mean… He told me that Hosea and he think that I’m old enough to get a wife already… That a woman of my own would do me good. Make me less embittered about… Doesn’t matter.” Arthur moved his sight back on the road. “Anyway, it’s bullshit. I don’t know what Dutch is planning but I will not let that happen.”

“Do you think I’m not good enough to be a wife?” you had asked out of curiosity before you could think of what exactly you were asking him. 

“I don’t think you’re not good enough to be a wife in general. I don’t think you would be good to be my wife. I mean… You’re out of my world. I’m an outlaw, degenerate, a bad man… And you? You are a high-born lady and probably were supposed to marry some rich man or at least, a decent person.”

“I guess it doesn’t matter now. My life has changed the day my parents died and I accepted it… It's what it is now.”

“Yeah,” Arthur said, "it is what it is now."

“I was used to my previous way of living and I liked it. I had everything I wanted, I didn’t have to worry about anything. I was an only child, my father’s beloved daughter… But I never felt safe. See, life in a golden cage also has its flaws. I never knew whether someone wouldn’t sneak into my room and kill me just to get his revenge on my father. He was a good father… But not a good man, Arthur,” you sighed. “Deep inside, I knew he wouldn’t make out of this alive. He was doing bad things and he got what he deserved. Despite all the money he had, he couldn’t save himself nor my mother. Damn, I wouldn’t make out of this mess alive if it wasn’t for Dutch and his timing…”

“Yeah, Dutch tends to save people. He saved me too… Many years ago.” 

“That’s why he’s calling you son?” 

“I was a teenage boy when he found me on the street. A bad-tempered kid. He raised me and taught everything he knew. He was a father I never had. So was Hosea.”

“Oh, I’m sorry about your parents…”

“Don’t be. My real father was worse than the devil himself and my mother and I had gone through hell with him. I was relieved when he eventually passed away. I’m just sad that my mother didn’t make it… She was a good woman. I miss her sometimes…”

“Your scar,” you instinctively look on his chin "is that…?”

“The thing I don’t want to talk about?” Arthur smirked. "Definitely." 

“Sorry,” you apologized.

You spent the rest of the way back to the camp riding in awkward silence. You wished you had not asked him about the scar because things were going in the right direction or at least, you two were talking to each other. For a minute, you felt sorry for Arthur. It must have been hard for him, he lost his parents and was on his own at a very young age. You began to wonder what he must have been through - after all, all these things made him who he was. 

_God, his life must not have always been sweet as yours. _

You arrived at camp and without even saying goodbye you two went separate ways. Arthur went to Pearson to deliver him the deer and some rabbits he shot while you came back to your tent to change your dirty clothes. After you had finished, you laid down on your bed and yawned, realising you did not remember the last time when you were up this early in the morning. 

_A short nap wouldn’t hurt_, you thought to yourself and covered yourself with your favourite grey blanket. You were almost asleep when you heard Dutch and Hosea talking next to your tent. They must have not known you were there as they were talking about… Arthur and you.

“Dutch it ain’t right…” Hosea said. “You can’t do that to them.”

“My friend… Have I ever let you down?” Dutch asked him. “You know Arthur… Now he’s angry, but it will do him good. Don’t you want him to be happy eventually?” 

“Happy, Dutch? I’m not sure whether it will make anyone happy. Arthur told you what he thinks about this idea of yours… It’s madness.” 

“Please, don’t doubt me. I need you to trust me," Dutch told him. "Who wouldn't want her? She's pretty and kind, Arthur ain't a fool and probably noticed it himself."

“Ah, I don’t know, Dutch…”

“Have you seen them as they came back from hunting? They seemed happy,” Dutch pointed. “It looked as if they started talking to each other. It should be easy from there…”

“Do you realise you want them to marry each other… God… I just don’t want to see any of them hurting.”

“They will be fine… Come, let’s talk with Arthur how things have been…”

You could not hear the rest as they walked away. 

You laid still for a moment, trying to process what you just heard. It still had not much sense to you. Considering they really wanted Arthur’s happiness… _Why it had to be you? Why did Dutch just refuse to give you a reasonable explanation for his decision when you asked him about that a few days ago?_ You had many questions left without answers, it was overwhelming. At the same time, you knew there was no choice in your situation. As long as you wanted to stay with the gang, you had to do what you were told. That was how it worked, whether you liked it or not. 

You just did not want to be someone who Arthur was forced to marry. Even if you did not like him much, you still felt empathy when you talked about your parents earlier that day. It was a bit of connection for you two - something you two could hold onto, to feel closer to each other. Funny thing, you were searching for any form of connection with someone who you could barely look at some time ago. However, if things were meant to be this way, it would be easier if you two could at least tolerate each other. And if Arthur’s plan of stopping this madness would not work…

_You had to find more than just this one common thing._


	3. Your life at stake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You need some time off and when you go hunting again, this time with Charles, something unexpected happens.

“How did you sleep, my dear?” Hosea asked you in the morning as you joined him at the campfire.

He handed you the cup of hot coffee and you smiled at him gratefully.

“Could’ve been better,” you took a sip "and you, Hosea?”

“A man at my age can’t sleep well,” he chuckled and for a moment there was an awkward silence between you.

The sun has just risen but the air was still cold, so with every breath, you took there was steam coming out of your mouth.

“So… How are things between you and Arthur?” he asked eventually as his cup ran out of coffee. “I saw you two yesterday coming back from the hunt.”

“Yeah, I know you saw us. So did Dutch,” you said, throwing away what was left of your drink. “How could it go, Hosea? What do you expect me to say?”

“Arthur said you were getting along quite good out there. He didn’t expect you to handle the bow that well,” the man stated. “I was hoping you would tell me your perspective.”

“It was fine.”

“Just fine?”

“You know that Arthur and I have never gotten along before. One haunting trip couldn't change that,” you sighed. “If we have to tolerate each other, we have a long way ahead of us to get to that point.”

“Oh, dear, I think you are already at that point…” Hosea said, but stopped as he saw your face in a grimace. “Alright, I ain’t gonna say more.”

“Thank you,” you put away the cup. “I’m gonna get going. It’s gonna be a long day and I’m gonna use my luck and go for a hunt on my own this time… Will bring a rabbit or two for us.”

“Going hunting?” A deep voice spoke behind your back. “Would you mind some company?”

“Not at all, Charles,” you turned around to look at him. “I could use a company of someone who wouldn’t talk about Arthur to me all the time.”

Charles chuckled, looking at Hosea’s embarrassed face. You two had walked away from the campfire quickly before Hosea could say anything in his defence. You grabbed a bag with bow and arrows from your horse’s saddle and joined Charles on the way to the woods.

“We’re not going far, are we?” he asked after a few minutes of walking.

“No. I don’t plan on hunting grizzlies but rabbits. They’re everywhere and I need to practice my shooting,” you replied, looking ahead and searching for your target. “Oh, there’s one…”

You moved quietly and shot quickly, without a hesitation. The corpse of a brown rabbit fell on the ground and when you approached it, Charles said:

“It looks like you don’t have to practice at all. You’re a great shooter.”

“Yeah, I know,” you replied and soon realised that you sounded extremely conceited. “I mean… Thank you.”

“Where did you learn it?” Charles chuckled, seeing your cheeks flushed from embarrassment. “I mean, you don’t look like a hunter to me.”

“My father’s friend was one. He gave me a lesson or two when I was a kid and I liked that,” you raised the corpse of a rabbit and put it in your bag. “It was a way of escaping things… You know, I was there, in the woods, in a complete silence… There was no one except me and my thoughts.”

“I get that,” Charles nodded as you got back to him. “So now, what are you running from? All that thing with Arthur?”

“So you know about that too?” The short laugh escaped your mouth and then you continued walking into the woods. "You all just can't let it be..."

“Come on, maybe we will catch another one. It’s still early… Unless you’ve got another place you need to be?” you asked as Charles did not respond anything to you.

“No, lead the way,” He replied and followed you. “I’ve just heard about that and from what I know Arthur is not pleased about that.”

“It’s hard to blame him. I’m not pleased either, but what can I do? My life depends on the Dutch right now. It’s kinda debt I have to pay.”

“You think it’s just about that? A debt to pay?”

“Well… It’s complicated, but I owe him my life. I would have died if he hadn’t rescued me back then. Maybe marrying a man of his choice would not be so bad? I mean… I was about to marry a man of my father’s choice anyway,” you shrugged and looked at Charles. He was looking at you with pity, making you feel uncomfortable. “What?”

“Nothing. I’m just wondering how easy it was for you to accept a thing like that,” Charles stated and this time he noticed a rabbit in the distance. “This one’s mine.”

You watched him as he shoot the animal and then put it in his bag. _Why his opinion felt so wrong to you? It was just an opinion, he could have him and you had no rights to undermine it._ Nevertheless, you wanted to stand back in your defence and said something that would wash away the feeling of being judged by him.

“What other choice do I have, Charles?” you asked him rhetorically. “I lost everything I had. I have nowhere to go. What do I have to lose?”

“I understand that, Y/N, but when I look at you I see a young, pretty girl. Don’t you want to have a choice in that matter? Don’t you want to decide who will be your husband?”

“If I didn’t know you I would say you are jealous, Charles, but I know you had no interest in me…”

“I’m just concerned,” he smiled blankly at you. “Some things Dutch does are not right.”

“I know, but... But it doesn't change a thing," you approached him and patted his arm. “Oh, look, there is another one…”

“Y/N, wait up!”

You wanted to go and got a closer look at the brown rabbit you have just spotted but instead, you incidentally stepped into something sharp and a loud cry escaped your mouth. Soon, you realised it was the bear trap next to the tree you were supposed to stop. You felt an enormous pain when blades dug into your left calf and the blood started to stream down your leg. You cursed as you tried to move and felt the pain spreading through the whole limb.

“Don’t move!” Charles ordered and in a blink of an eye, he was right next to you, helping you to get your leg out of that trap. “Damn, it doesn’t look well…”

“It doesn’t feel well either!” you hissed and tried your best not to cry.

“Almost there… It’s gonna hurt a little,” he had warned you before he reopened the trap, releasing your cut leg. The blood was everywhere and you tried your best to calm down, but you could barely focus on standing still. When you moved again, accidentally stepping on your left foot, the pain grew bigger and tears simultaneously fell on your cheeks. You stumbled and would certainly fall if it was not for Charles. “Come on, I will carry you back to the camp.”

Before you could hesitate, he had already lifted you and started carrying you back to the camp. You did not remember much of the way as it hurt so bad, the only thing you could think about was the pain. _You should have been more careful, you should have looked where you step… You should not have been doing many things in your life and stepping into the bear trap was definitely one of them. _Shame, you could only think of what you should have done because nothing would turn back time and save your leg from being crushed by it.

“Who’s there?” Javier shouted as he spotted Charles with you in his arms. “_Mierda_, what happened?”

“A bear trap did,” Charles explained as he passed him by. “Go and find some bandages, she’s bleeding out!”

You have never experienced this kind of pain before. It was paralysing. You did not have control over what was going around you. It was even hard to gather your thoughts; an enormous pain grew with every drop of blood that fell on the ground.

“We need to clean the wound…” Charles said to you as he placed you on your bed. “There’s so much blood…”

“Oh god, move,” Arthur hissed as he showed up in your tent and moved him aside. You heard the sound of ripped material and when you raised your head to look at your calf, you felt dizzy. The whole world was spinning around and you reminded yourself that the sight of blood was never good for you.

“The bandages you asked for…” Javier said as he entered then handed them to Charles.

“Y/N, what’s Arthur is about to do is going to hurt more than anything in the world probably, but it won’t last long…” Charles turned to you, seeing with the corner of his eye what Arthur was up to.

“A-alright…” you stammered as the fear grew inside you and as it mixed with pain, you twitched. “I will be fine… I will…”

“Of course, you will,” Arthur assured you as he unscrewed the bottle of the finest whiskey. “Such a waste, but I ain’t gonna let you bleed on us. You’re needed here alive.”

Without any warning, he poured the alcohol on your bleeding wound. For a second you thought you were gonna die as the pain was huge; it felt like a fire that was spreading through your leg, burning your skin from the inside. Charles held you down for all that time, preventing you from getting yourself hurt.

“It’s okay,” he comforted you; the pain was starting to go away slowly, making you able to breathe again. “It’s okay…”

“Morgan,” you said weakly, hoping he would hear you. He did and when he looked up at you from your wound, you said: “You owe me a pair of new trousers.”

“You wish, princess,” Arthur huffed. “Charles, hand me one of these bandages. I’m all in her blood so I might patch her up as well.”

“You got it, Arthur?” Javier asked, patting Charles’s arm. “Come on, _amigo_, let’s leave these lovebirds alone. I’m sure Arthur will take care of her.”

“Get lost, Javier," Arthur grunted in response.

The man chuckled and you watched these two leaving, so you and Arthur alone in your tent. He did not waste time, starting to put bandages around your calf as soon as they disappeared from his sight. You noticed he was trying to be gentle, carefully wrapping the material around it.

“You’re gonna have a quite scar out of it,” he said as he bound the bandage up. “Why the hell did you even go out there?”

“I needed to clear my head and hunting usually helps,” you explained as you sat up. “Oh god, you’re right about this wound. The bandage is already soaked with b-blood…”

“Hey, you alright?” Arthur asked as you got pale, turning your head away.

“I… I just don’t like blood,” you confessed.

You expected him to laugh, but instead, he nodded approvingly as he seemed to understand what you felt. For a moment, he was looking at you but you could not tell what was going on in his mind. You looked back at him and you two were staring at each other for a moment, thinking what to say; wondering who would break the silence first.

“Y/N! What happened?” you heard Dutch’s voice as he was heading towards you. “Oh god…”

“It’s fine, Dutch,” you assured him when he stopped right in front of you, but at the same time you saw that the red stain on the bandage was slowly getting bigger.

“Is that so?” he looked at you suspiciously. “You’re a bad liar, Y/N.”

“I’m gonna get you more bandages,” Arthur said eventually, trying to leave the tent desperately. “Lay still.”

“Don’t worry, I ain’t going anywhere," you had told him before he left.

“I’m glad Charles was there with you… You could have bled out!” Dutch scolded you, shaking his head in disbelief. “Why are you so reckless…”

“I’m not reckless, it was an accident. I didn’t notice that trap, that’s it,” you had fired back before he could say more to you. “I got it, Dutch. Arthur made sure I wouldn’t bleed out on him, so don’t worry, I will be alright. You don’t have to pretend you care about me.”

“I’m not pretending…”

“You are. The only reason why you’re here right now is that you were worried something terrible happened to me and I wouldn’t be able to fulfil that crazy idea of yours including me marrying Arthur. But don’t worry, I’m still breathing and I guess I will be able to walk down the aisle too. God knows why you want this so much, but I don’t care. Just… Leave me alone.”

Dutch huffed and to your surprise, he walked away from you, cursing under his breath as he did so. It was the first time since you met him when you dared to tell him what you thought. Maybe it was because of the situation; you were in such pain that you did not think straight, but telling him off brought you huge satisfaction. For a moment, at least, you did not have to worry about him.

“I brought some bandages… Where is Dutch?” Arthur asked when he came back to you.

“I told him off. You know he doesn’t truly care about me, right? I don’t need his pity, I don’t need him checking on me only to make sure that I will make out of this alive,” you stopped, realising that you said more than you wanted too. “Anyway… Thanks for the bandages.”

“He does care,” Arthur defended him. “In his odd, specific way… “

“Yeah,” you huffed as he sat next to you and wrapped another bandage around your calf. For a second you thought you must have looked ridiculous with your ripped trousers and thin bandaged calf. “I can’t quite believe that. The only person Dutch cares are himself…”

“Well, you know… Maybe you’re right,” Arthur chuckled. “But wasn’t he the person who saved your life?”

“He was,“ you admitted then sighed heavily. “But god, I can’t stand this man sometimes. He makes me feel ambivalent feelings… Is that possible to feel gratefulness and hatred at the same time?”

“I have no idea.”

“Right… Oh, and Arthur… I can take care of that wound from here. The fact that Dutch wants us to be married doesn’t mean that you need to act like I was important to you.”

“I just want to help, Y/N. That’s it,” Arthur replied.

“That’s fine. I... I just don’t want you to feel obliged to do so.”

“Sure,” he smiled at you gently. “Get some rest. I will check on you in an hour or so and see if there’s nothing wrong with your bandages.”

“Thank you,” you laid down again, straightening your legs. “I just can’t help but wonder… What made you change your mind? A few weeks earlier you would never help me.”

This time it was Arthur who sighed, thinking deeply about the answer.

“You needed help. Maybe… I’m a decent man, after all?” He had smirked and patted your thigh comfortingly before he got up. “I will see you later.”

You nodded then turned to the side, getting yourself comfortable before you closed your eyes. The sleep had come faster than you expected, but before it had, the dangerous thought crossed your mind. _What if Arthur cared for you, despite everything he has said and done to prove you wrong?_


	4. You? Jealous?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After hearing Arthur’s bitter words from someone else, you decide to show him how it does feel when you are not treated seriously. He gets mad, but later he makes his drunken confession to you.

The next days passed calmly as you spent them recovering and regaining your strength. Everyone seemed to care how you were doing, so you were barely alone during that time. Even Arthur was dropping by to check on you, making sure your wound was healing well. You assured him you were fine and he needn’t had to come every few hours to you, but he did check on you. _Maybe deep down he was the decent man he claimed to be?_

Anyways, the wound was healing fast and soon, you were able to walk again without having a constant grimace on your face. However, you were wearing bandages, but it was not visible under your skirt that covered the most of it.

Long story short, everything was slowly going back to normal. Soon you were in full strength just as Hosea’s birthday came and the gang was throwing a party to celebrate it properly. God knew how old Hosea was as he never told you his exact age, but it did not matter. The only thing that did was the fact that you all could spend a nice evening in each other’s company.

So, when the night fell, everyone gathered in the camp; the sound of Dutch’s gramophone accompanied you as you all talked, ate and drank by the campfire. The air was chilly and the sky was bright from the stars as you were sitting with Mary Beth, Karen and Tilly, finishing the stew prepared by good old Pearson.

“So how is your leg, Y/N?” Karen asked, drinking up her whiskey.

“Pretty good, I think,” you replied shortly, swallowing the bite you had in your mouth. “Almost like a new one.”

“That’s great. We’re glad that you’re alright,” Mary Beth said as she turned her head towards dancing Molly and Dutch. “Girls, look... I envy her. I mean, she has a man of her dreams by her side and from what she’s told he is interested in her and…”

“Are you serious?” Karen interrupted her, almost choking on her drink. “The only thing Dutch is interested in is her warming up his bed at night, that’s it. Do you think he loves her for real?”

“Molly claims so…”

“Molly claims many things, Mary Beth,” Tilly spoke. “Don’t be naive, life is nothing like the novels you read.”

Mary Beth looked at them with regret but did not try to argue, feeling defenceless against these two. Meanwhile, you patted her knee comfortingly and she replied with a weak smile.

“Oh, by the way, how is your marriage with Arthur going?” Karen looked at you again. “Have you guys made up already?”

“It’s not going, Karen. We didn’t have many occasions to get to know each other… But at least we’re talking.”

“Just talking? Oh boy, I’m sure there are plenty of other things Arthur would like to do to you,” she winked at you and the girls, you included, rolled up their eyes. “What? Come on, don’t pretend you’re all that saint…”

“Has Dutch told you why he wants you two to get together?” Tilly asked, ignoring talking Karen. “I mean, you’ve been with us for a while now… And he comes up with such an idea…That’s just weird.”

“I don’t know, Tilly, he barely told me anything. I don’t think Arthur knows more than I do. I mean, he believes in Dutch and in his ideas so much, I guess he gets blinded by them sometimes,” you sighed. “I wish I could ask him many questions and get answers for them, but we haven’t been on good terms since I told him off the day I got injured…”

“I think...” Karen had interrupted you before you finished talking. “I think we should ask you the most important question. Do you like Arthur, Y/N? I mean, I know you don’t know him well, but generally, do you like him as a man?”

You started thinking of an answer, feeling the pressure coming from Karen and the girls who were anticipating for it. You did not know what to say, or maybe, you were too embarrassed to publicly admit that you found Arthur handsome and there were moments when you fantasized about what it would be like if he kissed you one day or made any move towards you. Yet it was just your thoughts and wild fantasies, so you would rather keep them to yourself.

“Y/N?” You heard a familiar voice. You turned around to realise it was Javier, who was standing behind you. “Would you like to dance?”

“Oh, sure,” you agreed quickly, finding his proposition a perfect way of escaping answering Karen’s question. „See you later, girls.”

“We’re going to get an answer for that from you, whether you like it or not!” Karen shouted as you walked away with Javier, turning around just to wave her goodbye.

“Thank you,” you said to Javier as you were far enough from them. “You saved me from an upcoming interrogation.”

“You’re welcome,” he smiled at you comfortingly, offering his hand to you. You had held it and bowed gracefully before you started dancing, your bodies close to each other as the song was pretty slow. “I hope you don’t mind me asking you to dance with me.”

“Not at all,” you assured him and smiled back at him. “Actually, I’m glad you did ask me.”

“So… how is your leg?” he asked after a moment of slow dancing and spun you around.

“Why is everyone asking me that all the time?” you chuckled. “Good, Javi, it’s been well for a few days now.”

“If you saw yourself as Charles brought you back to camp, you would understand why is everyone asking about it.”

“Oh, I know,” you said as he spun you around again and you ended up closer to him than you intended.

“You can walk easily or should I carry you?” he smirked as your face was dangerously close to his and before you could hesitate, he lifted you from the ground and turned around with you in his arms. A loud squeak escaped your mouth, bringing everyone’s attention to you. “You’re not used to someone carrying you in his arms, are you?”

“Put me on the ground, Javier!” you demanded, kicking your legs in the air. He had laughed and teased you for a bit longer before he eventually put you down.

“I didn’t know you can make a girl scream so loud, Javier!” Micah shouted from the campfire where he was sitting with Arthur and Bill. “Get yourselves a tent, we don’t have to look at that pity foreplay of yours.”

“Oh, shut your mouth, Micah!” Javier fired back. “At least I have a girl dancing with me and you? I wonder whether any girl out there would even like to sit near you.”

“You’d be surprised, douche,” he said, but Javier shrugged as he was not listening to him anymore. “Many girls would die for it!”

“You wish!” he replied and some of the gang members chuckled while Micah rolled up his eyes.

You laughed too, but suddenly you felt eyes of Arthur on you as he had been lurking at you and Javier for a while before he took the last sip of his whiskey.

“What’s with him?” you asked Javier who was still by your side.

“He’s been looking at you all the time as we danced. It’s kinda funny as the last time I checked, he claimed he didn’t care about you at all.”

“Oh, is that so?” You raised your eyebrow questioningly. “That’s why you decided to ask me to dance with you, Javier?”

“No!” he replied quickly. “I asked you because I simply wanted to dance with you. I know this is not the most comfortable situation for you since Dutch’s idea came out…”

“It’s not,” you agreed. “So if Arthur claimed not to care for me then why is he sitting there like he was angry at me?”

“Because he doesn’t like to share,” Javier stated after a moment. “He might not want something but he’s not willing to give it away either.”

“Ah, I see,” you said, feeling the anger growing inside you. You looked at Arthur with the corner of your eye and when you saw him still looking at you two, without thinking much, you decided to do something that would make him jealous. You brought yourself closer to Javier, so your lips were almost brushing but then something unexpected happened. Javier pulled away and his hand stroke your cheek gently.

“I don’t want to kiss you just because you want to get your revenge on him. Besides, if you want to do this that way, I have a better idea of how to drive him mad.”

You nodded approvingly, letting Javier grab your hand as he started leading you to his tent. You turned around to make sure Arthur was watching you till you went inside, disappearing from his sight. For a moment you wondered what would the others think, but quickly you realised it did not matter to you. You wanted to prove yourself that you were not anyone’s property and still you could do whatever you wanted to. _Still…_

“Have you ever done that?” Javier brought you back from your thoughts with his direct question. You laid down on the mattress while he closed the tent’s flap, giving you both a little bit of privacy.

Your cheeks went red in a blink of an eye and you did not have to say anything to let him know that you have not.

“Oh, it’s fine. I might help you a little, you know, so it sounds authentic,” he stated as he joined you on the mattress.

“But how do you know Arthur will know what we’re doing?” you asked uncertainly. "I mean, pretending we're doing?"

“Just trust me on it,” he winked at you and his right hand wandered under your dark blue skirt, ending up on your thigh. You felt the rush of adrenaline combined with excitement as his fingers stroked your gentle skin. Meanwhile, his other hand unbuttoned the first three buttons of your white shirt, revealing your collarbone and the piece of your right arm.

“I don’t understand how is that suppose to help,” you started talking, but before you could finish his lips were already on your neck. He was gentle at the very beginning, just to start sucking your skin a moment later. The shiver came through your body and a loud moan escaped your mouth as he was sucking some parts of your skin harder. “Fuck…”

“That’s right…” he murmured and continued kissing your neck.

“Oh,” you gasped as your eyes rolled up in the pleasure. “Javi…”

Another loud moan slipped through your lips and he pulled away, realising he was getting too comfortable with kissing you and this time it was his cheeks that turned red. You were lying beside him, breathing heavily, your heart pounding faster than ever. He lifted himself up then unbuttoned his white shirt and unbuckled his belt, letting it hang freely.

“What are you doing?” you asked confused.

“Making it look authentic,” he replied. “I’m going for a smoke… I always do that after… You know.”

“Javier?” you had managed to ask before he left. “What happened… It meant nothing, right?”

“Yeah, of course. It was the art of acting, I guess.”

_What a mess_, you thought to yourself, touching your boiling cheeks. You were alone in his tent for a moment and you did not have to wait long till you heard the sound of argument coming from the outside.

“What the fuck, Javier?” Arthur barked, pushing his friend angrily. “Mind explaining to me what was that supposed to mean?”

Turned out, Javier was right about what he had said earlier; Arthur must have heard the sounds coming from the tent, otherwise, he would not be this furious.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, amigo.”

“Oh, you do…”

“What’s your problem, Arthur? You don’t want her, you tell everyone how unhappy you are, so at least, let the others be happy.”

“Javier…” Arthur hissed and through the spare, you noticed his clenched fist.

“Yes? Admit it, she sounded pleased…” Javier did not manage to finish as Arthur punched him in the face. “Mierda!”

“Want to add anything about how pleased she was, hmm? How she was moaning when you were taking care of her?” Arthur sounded bitter as he spoke.

“What’s wrong with you? She’s not yours…”

You saw Arthur preparing himself to hit Javier one more time and you decided it could not happen again. Not because of you, at least. Without thinking much, you get out of the tent quickly and stepped between them.

“Hey, hey, Arthur…” You tried to calm him. He moved closer and you smelled his breath on you. “You need to calm down. Sober up.”

“Y/N, don’t, I got it under control,” Javier said, but when you turned towards him and saw his covered in blood nose, you stopped believing him.

“No, Javier. Look at you, is your nose broken? Get some rest and clean yourself up…”

“Just bruised,” Javier assured you. “It’s okay, Y/N. I mean it.”

“Just bruised,” Arthur repeated after him ironically. “Grow up, boy.”

“You,” you turned towards him again. “Follow me.”

“And why would I follow you?”

“Because in one second I can make a big deal out of this and you can be sure Dutch will be mad,” you threatened him and even though you were not proud because of it, somehow it seemed to work.

Arthur rolled up his eyes, but eventually followed you straight to his tent and went inside right after you. You were glad that everyone else was too busy drinking or too drunk to notice what was going on with you, Arthur and Javier.

“Now what?” Arthur asked.

“Now you’re going to bed,” you stated firmly. “You’re too drunk to stand still, it will be better for all of us if you just sleep it over.”

“But,” he started searching for words, which must have been hard considering how wasted he was. “I want you to come… Come with me.”

“What?” you thought you overheard something.

“I don’t want you to… to spend a night with him,” he blurted and then said something he would never say if he was not drunk. “Stay with me.”

He looked at you with those puppy eyes of his and waited for your response. You sighed heavily, wondering if you even should consider it. He was about to become your husband soon and even if it was a formality, there was still this weird feeling in your chest every time you looked at him. Besides, right at that moment, he looked this miserable it would be a crime if you said no to him.

“Alright, alright…” You agreed eventually and led him into his bed. “I will stay with you.”

Arthur smirked as he laid down on the mattress and you joined him, laying yourself next to him. There was a small space between you, so you were not touching, but it seemed like it was more than enough for him at that moment. His drunk self wanted to have you with him.

“I don’t… I don’t deserve you, Y/N,” he mumbled after a long moment of silence. “Maybe it’s wise of you to stick with another man.”

“Arthur… You’re drunk. You don’t know what you’re talking about…”

“No… I know… What could I offer you, anyways? I’m a fucking outlaw,” he yawned, closing his eyes. “But yet, it’s… it hurt me to see you with somebody else.”

„Oh, Arthur…” you sighed, brushing longer strands of his hair away from his eyes. “I shouldn’t have gone with Javier… But it didn’t mean a thing. He said you told everyone you don't care about me and I was angry at you and… Oh, I’m sorry.”

You waited for his reply, but unfortunately, before he could give you one, he had already fallen asleep. You puffed and smiled gently, then covered him with a thin blanket. After a few minutes of watching him sleep, you also felt tired. For a moment you wanted to get up and come back to your tent, but then you reminded yourself that you had promised him that you would stay.

And so, you did.


	5. The real You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You regret the events from the previous night, hurt someone you care about and later, in the small cabin, you have a very important talk with the man you are about to marry.

It was not your intention to stay the night with Arthur, but you fell asleep quickly and slept so tight that you did not wake up until the morning. As the first light came into Arthur’s tent, you opened your eyes lazily and quickly realised something was wrong. You could not move as Arthur was lying still by your side, his arm locked around you as he held you close to him; so close that he was literally breathing into your neck.

_Oh, God.  
_

“Arthur?” you whispered, caressing his forearm gently. “Arthur, wake up.”

He groaned in response, burying his face in your neck. It was not long until he realised what he was doing and moved away as if he got burned; his blue eyes widened and it looked as if he sobered up within a few seconds.

“Hey, hey, easy,” you calmed him down, seeing he did not have a clue what was going on around him.

“Y/N? What are you doing here?” he asked, rubbing his eyes to make sure he was not hallucinating.

_He did not expect to wake up with you by his side._

“You got pretty wasted yesterday and asked me to stay with you for the night,” you explained to him, but he seemed not to believe it, looking at you as if he overheard something. “Ah, you don’t remember, do you?”

“I… I don’t,” he admitted, shaking his head slowly. “I feel sorry for myself, though.”

“Why?”

“Wasn’t I pathetic? Mumbling some silly things and doing stupid things?” He turned to his back and covered his face with his hands.

“You mean almost breaking Javier’s nose?” you asked, laying your head on your arm and watching him, turning his head towards you. “You hit him pretty hard yesterday…”

“Yeah, that’s what I mean… If you ever see me again drinking with Bill and Micah, you’re allowed to punch me, alright?”

“Why would I punch you?” you chuckled. “I kinda enjoy seeing you this miserable.”

“You’re a cruel woman,” Arthur sighed but then laughed as he could not hold himself back. “Although I deserved that, I know. I’m gonna apologise to Javier later. Don’t want to get between him and you. I got carried away yesterday and…”

“It’s okay. There’s nothing between me and Javier, so you have nowhere to get in between,” you interrupted him and remembered the words he had told you the previous night. “I guess we all got carried away yesterday.”

“Oh, okay,” he seemed confused at first as he probably did not expect you to deny it, but after a while, he smiled at you gently. “Good to know, considering you are about to be my wife and it would complicate some things…”

“Don’t worry about it,” you assured him and then got up, sitting at the edge of his bunk. “I’m gonna keep my part of the deal.”

“Where this sudden change come from?”

“What do you mean?” you looked at him suspiciously.

“A few days ago you could barely let the thought of this marriage into your mind and now…”

“If I can’t change it, it’s better if I accept it, right?” You stood up and straighten the clothes on yourself. “I’m gonna go and change, cause I look terrible.”

“You don’t, but suit yourself,” Arthur stated, turning to the side. “While I’m gonna stay here, feeling even more sorry for myself.”

“Do you need anything?” you asked, feeling your cheeks flush.

_Was that a compliment he just told you?_

“No, thanks.”

You left with a smirk on your face and scurried towards your tent, hoping no one would catch you while you sneak out. You could not shake off this weird feeling of excitement you have been feeling since you opened up your eyes. If someone told you that one day you would wake up in the arms of Arthur Morgan, you would never believe it. Besides, not so long ago you could not even force yourself to look at him and now, all you could think of was whether he remembered anything from what he had told you before he fell asleep.

You washed up your face and changed your clothes, choosing another simple, dark blue skirt and white shirt. Then you walked outside and sat on the log near the campfire, next to your tent and focused on braiding your hair. The morning was chilly, so with every breath, you made there was steam coming out of your mouth.

“Good morning,” Javier came from behind your back and joined you on the log. “How are you? I thought you could use some coffee.”

“Thank you,” you said, taking a cup from him. “I’m pretty good. Better than you, for sure. How’s your nose?”

“It hurts, but it doesn’t look as bad as I expected,” he replied and then got lost in his thoughts for a moment. “I messed up yesterday… We shouldn’t have…”

“I know, but it’s nothing. I mean, it’s not a big deal, right?”

“But Arthur…”

“We already talked about it and I explained it to him. I realised I can’t do whatever I want anymore… If Dutch’s plan is about to work…”

“You and Arthur have to cooperate.”

“Exactly,” you agreed, smiling weakly at him. “It’s the only way it can work out.”

The fire was slowly burning out as you looked at it, hoping Javier did not mind you turning him down. Maybe if the situation was different, there might have been something out of your relationship but under current circumstances, there was no way you two would work. The awkward silence was unbearable so Javier decided to break it, asking you the question from which he had saved you from answering yesterday. It felt like no matter what you would do, you could not run away from it.

“I just have to ask… Do you feel anything for him?”

You truly wished you had known the simple answer to it.

*

The days have been passing and at the same time, you were running out of time. Dutch told you that he wanted to get it over with and gave you two weeks to find common ground. Two weeks to get to know someone who you were about to marry? Even if it was just a formality, two signatures on the piece of paper, it was not enough time to get to know anyone, especially Arthur Morgan. But what could you do as Dutch was not taking ‘no’ as an answer and even rational arguments did not speak to his mind? He was not even listening to Hosea, who also concluded that his friend’s demands were pure madness.

“I’m scared, Mary Beth,” you told her one day when you were doing chores together. “I don’t want to get married to someone who doesn’t love me. Besides, there are just two weeks left… I thought we would have more time and maybe Dutch will find his common sense again before…”

“Slow down, Y/N. There’s no point in thinking about what could have been,” she stated, wiping the water from another plate you handed her. “It’s what it is. I mean you would marry him anyway, so what’s the difference if it happens in two weeks or two months? You know Dutch’s word is mostly final and nothing can change his mind.”

“Easy to say for you as you’re not the one getting married!”

“Listen, Y/N,” she put away the plate, she was holding, on the table. “Arthur’s not a bad man and something tells me that deep inside you know about it too. I know you two didn’t have much time to get to know each other, it’s not a surprise as this situation came out recently but I think that it might change soon.”

“What… What do you mean by saying it might change soon?” Your brows furrowed.

“Well, I might have heard Arthur talking to Hosea and Dutch about someplace he wanted to take you to,” she blushed. “I wasn’t eavesdropping, I was just passing by…”

“And where does he want to take me?”

“I don’t know, but I think you will also get an answer to that soon,” she said the moment Arthur approached you two. “Hi, Arthur.”

“Mary Beth,” he nodded at her. “Can you give us a minute?”

“Sure,” she replied and left quickly, sending you a meaningful look before she did.

“What’s going on?” you asked and wiped your hands.

“Didn’t Mary Beth tell you?” Arthur smirked, leaning against the table.

“About what? We didn’t even talk about you.”

“Sure… Anyway, what do you say for a ride with me?”

“Where to?”

“Can’t tell you just yet. You’re gonna find out when we get there.”

“Do I have a choice?”

“You always do,” He shook his hand and rolled his eyes, tired of your quick interrogation. “But I would be happy if you said yes.”

“Since you asked so nicely…” You shrugged, pretending you were not excited to see where he was taking you. “Lead the way.”

*

“I ain’t gonna lie, I thought you would say no,” Arthur said while you were riding together through the woods. “I’m surprised you decided to spend some of your precious time with me.”

“Are we going through that again? I thought you were done with teasing me?”

“That’s definitely not gonna happen,” he laughed and looked at you.

“I think I heard it before… And look at us now. Going for a ride together? What happened to us?”

“I guess Dutch did,” he pointed. “Come on, we’re almost there.”

“Seriously? We’ve been riding for hours and we’re in the middle of the woods. I didn’t sign up for camping, besides the nights are cold and…”

“Relax,” he interrupted. “Follow me.”

Arthur did not lie when he said you were close to your destination, but you would have never guessed he was taking you to the cabin in the middle of nowhere. You hitched your horses in front of it and then you took a quick look at the small, wooden house. It must have been abandoned for some time, otherwise, he would not bring you there.

“Whose house is this?” you asked when he joined you in front of it.

“I don’t know. Found it a few days ago and I thought we could… We could spend some time here together, away from prying eyes of others. Hosea thought it was a good idea since…”

“It’s okay, I get it,” you assured him. “You don’t have to explain yourself.”

“Good. Let’s get inside then, it’s getting dark," he moved his hand in a welcoming gesture. “After you.”

The night came fast and before you realised, you and Arthur were finishing the first bottle of whiskey he brought with him. You did not have to worry about cold nights that you had mentioned earlier as he also took care of the fireplace, putting there so much wood it would last for a good few hours.

“God, it’s getting hot in here,” you stated, unbuttoning two first buttons of your shirt.

“It’s because of alcohol, Y/N. You’re keeping up with me,” Arthur pointed from the chair he was sitting on. “Good there are more of these.”

“Bold of you to assume we will drink them,” you looked at two bottles of whiskey on the table.

“I guess we will see about that,” he took a sip from the bottle and handed it to you. “So, princess, since we drank some already I have some questions for you. What you had been doing before you joined the gang? Chasing after boys? Going on countless parties?”

“None of them,” you smiled nastily as you sat down on the chair in front of his. “Besides, I have never been a princess so there’s no actual reason for you to call me like that. I’m just a daughter of a rich man who lost everything he had, because, I’m gonna be honest with you, he never had enough.”

“Is that so?”

“Well, I didn’t choose the family I was born in. You can’t blame me for that.”

“I’m not blaming you. I was just curious why Dutch helped you, I mean… You’re different than we are. I’m sure you would handle this on your own somehow. You’re not just a girl from the street…”

“What if I am? Dutch found me on one.” This time you took a sip of whiskey and grimaced. “I was alone, no one was there to help me. Life can be full of surprises and I think you should know that already.”

“I know. I’ve never doubted it.”

“What about you? How exactly did you end up here, Arthur?” You changed the subject. "You told me something before, but I never heard a full story."

“My parents died when I was a kid and I think I’ve been with the gang for... Almost my whole life.”

“I… I’m sorry.” These were the only words that came to your mind.

“You don’t have to be. I… I’m just sorry because of my mother… She was a good person. My father, on the other hand… I can’t feel sorry for him,” he grabbed the bottle from you and finished it. “My story ain’t nice, Y/N. My life has never been easy and never treated me kindly.”

“I understand.”

“You don’t,” he turned his head and looked at the red flames in the fireplace. “You had a good life. Probably your biggest worry was marrying some rich prick that your dad picked for you…”

“You know shit about what my life has been like,” you interrupted him, feeling a wave of growing anger inside you. “You still keep judging me, thinking I’m just a stupid girl who can’t do anything but look pretty.”

“I thought so at first, I ain’t gonna deny it. There were times when you proved me wrong, though.”

“So why the hell you keep acting like this?”

“I guess that’s just the way I’m,” he chuckled, making you even madder at him.

“I don’t like when you make fun out of me.”

“You should not take everything I say so personally. I think, it would solve many of your problems.”

“Whatever,” you said and watched as Arthur opened up another bottle. He had taken one big sip from it before he handed it over to you.

“May I ask you something?” you asked taking it from him.

“Shoot.”

“What happened at Hosea’s birthday party? I mean, Javier didn’t deserve that punch.”

“Didn’t he?” he rose his right brow questioningly. “He knew exactly what would piss me off you and he did everything to do so.”

“Did it give you a right to hit him?”

“I wasn’t thinking straight…”

“Why?”

“Because of you,” he sighed loudly. “For a short moment I was thinking that we were on the good terms and it even crossed my mind that we might try something for real, but I was a fool for thinking so, Y/N. He stole you from me in front of my eyes and I was watching you go with him, unable to do anything but feel this enormous anger. Then I heard you two and then saw him leaving…”

“It didn’t mean anything, Arthur. Nothing happened.”

“So, you’re telling me that you didn’t you sleep with him?”

“No… I… I’ve never slept with anyone if we're honest,” you confessed to him, not being sure whether it was because of the alcohol in your system or the need of being true with him at that particular moment. “Besides, it’s rude to eavesdrop.”

“Oh, that’s… I’m sorry,” he looked down and rubbed his nape awkwardly. “But really? Never?”

“Is it this surprising?” 

“Yeah, but… In a good way.” The gentle smile appeared on his face and somehow he looked as if he felt relieved. “I just didn’t expect that.”

“Told you… Life is full of surprises,” you dared to look at him. “But please, keep that to yourself, alright? I wouldn’t want anyone else in the camp to know that. They would make fun out of me for sure.”

“I won’t tell anyone,” he had winked at you and patted your thigh before he stood up and stretched his muscles. “I wouldn’t do that to my future wife.”

You smiled gently at him in the gesture of gratitude for keeping your secret to himself. It felt weird to share something this intimate with him, but then you realised that considering everything that was going on, he was the only person who had a right to know about it. 

“I’m sorry it had to be me,” you said suddenly, completely out of context. 

Arthur, who was standing next to the window at that moment, turned around and folded his arms. 

“It ain’t your fault,” his sight wandered outside the window again. “Besides, you’re more than I could ever expect.”

“Don’t say so, Arthur.”

“Why? You deserve more than I can give you.” 

“Hey, where did your confidence go? You’re not the version of Arthur that I know,” you stood up and joined him by the window, leaning your left arm against the wall. “Arthur I know is one of the most confident people out there.” 

“This whole situation made me realise I’m not that confident,” he admitted without looking at you. “This is something… I don’t know how to handle it.”

“Me neither,” you replied while your hand instinctively reached out for his. “But we’re in this together, okay? So stop pushing me away and telling yourself it will be easier this way. It won’t.”

“I can’t…” 

“Why? Give me one, good reason why….”

“This whole marriage is a farce, Y/N. We probably wouldn’t even be talking right now if it wasn’t for Dutch’s stupid plan,” he puffed. “Do you really think you could be with someone like me for real? Not because someone told you to be with me?”

“I don’t know…. but I’m willing to try,” you said quietly and for the first, in a while, his eyes were focused on you. 

“What did you say?”

“I’m willing to try,” you repeated, this time loudly and firmly. “Because how am I supposed to know if I could be with you if I never tried?”

Arthur did not reply, confused by your reaction. You felt his hand squeezing yours tighter as he brought you closer to him, but still keeping the small space between your bodies. After a moment, he leaned down and kissed your forehead gently, carefully as if he was afraid you would run away or at least pull away rapidly. You did not and this short moment of intimacy as his rough lips were brushing your sensitive skin was something you were craving for such a long time. For a short while, you felt safe and it was something that was not present in your life for years. The feeling of safety. Protection. It felt good to have someone by your side to provide you with these two values. 

So you two were standing there, next to the window, in the moonlight and the weak light of the dying fire, hoping that somehow you would make it all work.

After all, you had each other, even if it was just for a short while. 


	6. Two thousand dollars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Arthur get wed and after that, you find out the bitter truth about Dutch’s motives. Feeling deceived, you decide to get some time alone. However, in one of the side alleys, you have to face something much worse than Dutch’s lies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** For this chapter there's one big ATTEMPTED-RAPE and VIOLENCE WARNING!!! ** I know it might be a trigger for some people, that’s why I wrote it bolded… Of course, I will mark where this triggering part begins and where it ends using (***) (aka three stars). Sorry for the inconvenience in reading. But this part is not that sad… ** The ending is definitely sweet. ** (no spoilers, tho!)

Two weeks passed in a blink of an eye and suddenly, you and Arthur found yourselves in front of the altar.

This marriage was nothing but a farce.

Because how else you could call marrying someone just because you were told to do so?

Nevertheless, when it was done, you felt such a weird sting in your heart.

_This was it._

All it took was two of you, saying ‘yes’ to each other in an empty church, excluding a priest and Dutch who was carefully looking at you as you were fulfilling the part of the deal.

A word was spoken and everything you have ever known was about to change. Even though it was just a deal - a formality you have agreed to do; still, you felt like it was something groundbreaking for you. Something that would change your life, because the life of a married woman, even if the marriage was a farce, was different in many aspects.

You did not want your wedding to look like this. You did not want to marry a man someone chose for you, but in the end, you did. You wanted something more from life, you wanted to have a free will and a choice. For a moment, when your old life ended, you thought that it could be a sign. You thought that you could start over and write your own story. Sadly, there was no such option.

It was a men’s world and to survive here, you had to do things you were told.

_You always have._

“Are you satisfied?” Arthur asked Dutch after you three had left the church in Saint-Denis at noon just when the bells started to ring. “Y/N, are you okay? You look pale.”

“Yes," you nodded, swallowing loudly and looking around you, seeing all the familiar places. “It’s just… The last time I was here everything was different. It’s weird to be back here, especially under current circumstances… ”

“Dear, now everything is gonna be fine,” Dutch told you and then turned to his friend again. “Yes, Arthur, I’m very satisfied and proud of both of you.”

“So now you’re gonna tell us why you forced us into this?” you asked him and Dutch looked at you again. He had stopped and thought of an answer for a moment before he started talking.

“When I met your father he asked me to take you away and look after you. In exchange,” he hesitated, sighing before he continued. “In exchange, he promised me the money he had. However, there was a catch…”

You looked at him and blinked a few times.

Everything was coming altogether.

You should have known. You should have known it was about it; he did not care about Arthur’s well-being, about you nor anyone else in his goddamn gang more than he cared about money. You should have figured it out sooner that it was the only thing that made him save you that day.

The future vision of the profit you would give him.

“You… You made us get married because you wanted to get the money my father had promised to you?” It was rather a statement than a question. “All of this for some goddamn money? If you wanted them so badly you might have asked me to give them to you!”

“Y/N, with all respect I didn’t know whether I could trust you…”

“And you thought it would be better if you found someone you trust enough to marry me, right? So all the money is now Arthur’s,” you huffed, shaking your head slowly. To say you were disappointed was an understatement. “Fuck, others were right saying you’re great at making plans and ruining people’s lives.”

“Y/N…” Arthur interrupted you and wanted to grab your hand, but you withdrew it and glared at him.

“Did you know about this? Come on, you can tell me now since everything that was mine is yours now, husband,” you said with a regret in your voice. “Come on, spit it out!”

“I didn’t know… At first,” he looked down. “Dutch told me not so long ago…”

“And still, you agreed on it? Wow,” You could not believe what you heard. “I thought you started to care for me… For real. What’s my worth then? Thousand dollars? Two? Three? How much did my dearest father left for me?”

“Two,” Dutch replied in a matter of fact tone.

“Two,” you repeated, realising this was your worth. He did not save you, he saved the money he would get after. “Two thousand dollars. It was a good deal, I must give you that.”

“Y/N…”

“Leave me alone,” you hissed, squeezing the material of your blue dress tightly. “Both of you. You got what you wanted.”

“Y/N, don’t go… “ Arthur wanted to stop you, but you could not force yourself to look at him. You started walking away from them and did not intend to look back. “Y/N!”

You did not stop, you did not turn around even for a brief moment; you kept walking, trying to gather your thoughts and deal with the anger you felt on your own. It was harder than you thought and after a moment, you were not sure whether you were even mad at them; you realised it hurt more than made you angry, the thought that if it was not for the money all of this would never happen.

You lost the track of time as you wandered around the street of Saint-Denis; coming back to the places you knew, where you used to go to when everything was different. All the problems you had back then seemed so trifling for you compared to the ones you were dealing with at that moment. For a short while, you started missing your old life, old friends and everything you had. You had thought that you agreed with your fate, but you were wrong and the feeling of longing was strong as never.

“Hey, you!” You heard an unfamiliar voice when you walked into one of the side alleys. Then you saw three men walking out of the shadow and in no time you knew, you have seen them before. “Going somewhere?”

“I–" you mumbled, backing off till your back bumped into the wall. They surrounded you, cutting you every way of escape. “What do you want?”

“Oh, doll, we want to get our job done.”

One of them, the oldest one approached you and stroked your cheek with his rough hand. You did not dare to move, although your body was shivering uncontrollably. “But first, we want to get some fun, right lads?”

(***)

The other two nodded confirmingly while the one who the closest to you pushed you on the ground and kicked you in the ribs. You could not catch your breath as he kicked you a few more times, leaving you breathless and coughing when he eventually stopped. The other man, in the middle age, crouched next to you and pulled your hair, lifting your head from the ground.

“Don’t bother to scream, girl,” he stated while his friend placed his foot on your back and pushed you to the ground, preventing you from moving. “Your father was a cruel man… Shame, he can’t see you now.”

“Lift her,” the last of them commanded and they obeyed.

You had a quick look at him, but it was enough for you to realise he was the son of the man who was working for your father. You have seen him many times in your house as his dad was a good friend of yours.

Until your father got him killed, like many of his friends. “Long time no see, right, Y/N?”

“Isaac,” you whispered as he grabbed your chin and squeezed it, forcing you to look him right in the eyes. “I’m so sorry…”

“That day… It was not only my father who died. My younger sister… My older brother… They died because of your father’s recklessness,” he punched you in the face and the world started spinning around you. The blood came out from your nose, quickly covering your mouth with it. “But he got what he deserved, each one of your fucking family did. Except you.”

“I didn’t know…”

“You’re gonna get what you deserve too, don’t worry,” he laughed, wiping the blood from his hand. “I didn’t punch her too hard, right? She’s still pretty, isn’t she, boys?”

The other men nodded and you felt one of them lifting your dress. You started struggling, trying all your best to break out, but you had no chance with three grown-up men. The thought of what they wanted to do to you was petrifying, but you could do nothing. They were holding you firmly while Isaac ripped your dress, showing your breast to his companions.

“You were always out of my reach… Out of anyone, actually. The sweet daughter of the cruellest man in town.” His hand stroke the gentle skin of your breasts. “I’m gonna tell you how it’s gonna be…”

“Let me go!” you screamed, trying to break free. “You fucking freak!”

“No,” he shook his head while the other man punched you in the ribs again. You could not catch a breath again as he continued speaking. “I’m gonna fuck you, all of us is gonna fuck you till you can’t take it anymore and then… Then we’re gonna think what to do with you…”

“You will… You will regret it,” you breathed out.

“No, I don’t think so,” Isaac replied and the others let go of you just so he could push you hard against the wall. You hit it, hearing the sound similar to the sound of breaking bone and fell to the ground. Helpless and vulnerable you watched him unbuckling his belt slowly like it was a show he wanted you to see.

But before he could do anything more, a bullet had gone through his head and the dead body of your torturer fell down to your feet.

“Three against one? And the one is a lady?” You raised your sight and saw Arthur pointing his guns at the rest of them. “Did you lost your mind? Because I lost my patience the moment I looked at you, fellers.”

With these words spoken, he shot the last two of them without any hesitation. You did not know what to do; you would run to him if you could, but instead, a small cry escaped your mouth and you looked at him, begging for help.

(***)

“Fuck…” He put his guns back and crouched next to you, helping you to get back on your feet. Every move you made hurt and tears were starting to fall on your cheeks. You tried to hold your ripped dress together, so you would not walk with your intimacies exposed, but it was not working. Arthur took off his jacket and put it around your arms, covering your naked breasts.

“I can’t walk,” you hissed, leaning against him. “Everything hurts.”

“Okay, princess,” he did not waste time and lifted you instead of trying to walk with you. You placed your arms around his neck and held him tightly, praying that what happened to you would be over soon. “Let’s get you out of here.”

The last thing you remember was nodding at him and right after that, the world went black as you slowly passed out.

*

You took a sharp breath when you woke up a few hours later, completely confused and unable to recognize the place you were in. It was a room with big windows and a well-equipped interior. Its walls were enlightened by the candles that were placed on the chest of drawers next to the bed you were lying on. After a moment of looking around it and processing everything you saw, you concluded that it was a hotel room; but who on Earth would let a bruised and bleeding woman sleep in a fancy hotel room?

Arthur was sitting at the edge of the bed with his head between his hands. You had watched him sitting there for a while before you spoke:

“You okay?”

He turned around abruptly and a second later he was crouching next to you. His hands grabbed yours and brought it to his lips as he kissed them gently.

“Hey, I’m okay, Arthur,” you assured him, seeing how concerned he was.

“No, you’re not,” he shook his head and looked at the white sheet you were covered with. “Have you seen your body all bruised? These motherfuckers must have broken some of your ribs…”

You decided to check whether what he was saying was true and when you lifted the sheet, you saw your ribs and stomach all covered in violet and yellow bruises. Then you realised that you were completely naked and the only thing that was covering your intimacies from Arthur was a thin material, but he probably has seen you already; after all, someone had to get you undressed.

“I’m sorry for taking your clothes off,” he said as if he read your mind. “You were all in blood and I promised the host that we wouldn’t get anything dirty…”

“It’s okay. I didn’t want you to see me naked that way, but… I understand. You’re my husband. You kinda have a right to see me without anything on.”

He chuckled and brushed the hair out of your forehead. His blue like ocean eyes, though, remained sad and filled with tears that were about to fall down.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come earlier… I should’ve followed you sooner," he sighed. “I can’t even think what they would do…”

“Maybe I deserved it, Arthur. After all, they were right about one thing,” you coughed as you tried to move and lean your back against the wall. “My father was a bad man.”

“But you’re not responsible for your father’s acts.”

“But I’m his daughter… In the world my family lived in, this was enough,” you gasped as you eventually sat on the bed. “Come on, get up from the floor. There’s plenty of space on the bed.”

Arthur listened to you and moved to the other side of the bed, then sat next to you on it. You pulled up the sheets, making sure you were covered all the way down from your armpits. Damn, he had seen it all anyway…

“I’m so sorry this happened to you,” he apologized again.

“You keep saying sorry, but you had no influence on what happened to me," you pointed, turning your heads towards him. “You’re apologizing for the wrong thing. You lied to me, Arthur. You created an illusion and I believed you. You acted jealous when Javier was around, you took me to that cabin and told me about your past… And I thought you started caring about me, despite the fact that I knew this marriage… This whole thing would be a farce.”

“But it’s not a farce… Not anymore,” he reached for your right hand and squeezed it gently. “It was up to some point, but then something broke inside of me. I felt something I shouldn’t have ever felt to you because it was when Dutch told me why he wanted us to get married. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I couldn’t stop being loyal to him.”

“Sure,” you turned away your sight and let the tears fell on your cheek. “You two were playing with me.”

“It wasn’t like that…”

“Then what was it like?”

“Look at me, please," he said in a begging tone. “Look at me.”

You slowly turned your head towards him and that was when he moved closer to you and kissed you tenderly; your lips parted and he slid his tongue into your mouth, teasing yours playfully. At first, you wanted to pull away, but feeling him so close to you was so good, you could not resist it. He moved his hand and placed it on your neck; then you did the same, caressing rough stubble on his cheek. He stopped suddenly, but did not pull away; your foreheads were touching as you two took a moment to steady your breaths.

“It was a farce,” he gasped as you stroke his jawline. “But things changed.”

“What exactly?” you asked, closing your eyes gently.

“The way I feel about you changed.” He replied and stole another kiss from you. You moaned when you moved too quickly as you wanted to get closer to him and that was when he pulled away, scared he could have hurt you.

“I’m okay, Arthur,” you assured him, but he did not want to risk you causing you any more pain. “These are just bruises, they will disappear soon.”

“I will believe it when you’ll tell me that in a few days. Now you need to rest.”

“Ugh," you groaned as he helped you to get back to the lying position. When your head rested on the pillow, you asked: “You won’t leave me alone here, will you?”

“I won’t,” this time he was the one to assure you. He had laid down next to you on the side and made himself comfortable before he said: “I promise."


End file.
